Mandy Lee Blogs

Student. Aspiring Journalist. Human

Stand Together. 23/05/17

Once again heart broken over this attack in Manchester last night. So many young and innocent lives have been lost from another man-made disaster. 

It disgusts me how people are more concerned over whether Ariana will cancel the rest of her tour rather than the welfare of those who are currently critically injured and those who have lost their lives. Ariana herself is human just likes those who attended her concert, however there is no justification for people to treat one’s life highly than the other. 

Additionally, individuals have no right to catergorise certain people in the same manner. We should be standing together not pushing people away based on the colour of their skin.

There are still people missing from this attack. The Manchester police have issued a number (0800 096 0095) to help those struggling to get in contact with loved ones who attended the concert last night. 

Many children under the age of 16 are currently in critical condition. Thankfully over 60 ambulances acted effectively and efficiently to get to the scene of last night’s attack and were able to provide the best care to those who required it. I applaud their bravery and stealth as well as  Manchester’s police force for acting professionally and getting people to safety. 

The many beautiful, innocent and young lives that were lost in last night’s attack will forever be in our memory. We should be moving forward, by standing arm in arm and making those who have lost their lives proud through our unification. We will keep living for them & strive to not let these worthless, repulsive and pathetic cretins destroy the humanity we have left. 

Gone but never to be forgotten – Manchester: 23/05/17 ūüíõ

I’m not okay.

I wish I could simply explain the constant drilling in my ears. There are so many thoughts and feelings running through my body and mind right now, that I thought I should write them all down. 

The tension is back in the house tonight. It’s the petty arguments that are truly draining. You try and stay out of something but you are dragged right in the centre of it. My mum means the world to me. She is my inspiration and the definition of strong. The women on my mother’s side of the family are the most hard working and striving women you could ever have the pleasure to know. 

I don’t speak enough about my dad. If I were to tell a complete stranger about him, they’d probably see him in a negative light, a light that I have spent the last 18 years trying to shadow. You always try to see the positive in people, even after all the bad things they have done. My dad isn’t mentally stable. Some may refer to him as Bi-Polar. My parents have a toxic relationship, but even so they still have managed to find a little part of something that keeps them together.

I’m trying to hold back the tears as I write this but my anxiety is pushing my thoughts to the negative light. I’ve always wished for a happy family. A family who get on and a dad who is “normal”. It is so mentally draining to hear raised voices on a daily basis. I blame myself for pushing my mum through this hazard of a marriage by having prevented her from taking us far away all those years ago, from the man I now call my father. A man who can be so happy one minute but the next is a complete vile stranger. 

I try and cling to the knowledge he isn’t well, but how much longer can you cope being (metorphorically speaking) held under water. Every time the brief period of normalcy, of him asking how my day at college was or what shall he make for dinner, a sense of hope becomes apparent. Hope that everything is normal and as it should be. 

My friend just snap chatted me asking me how my nights been. God knows how much I would like to tell him what’s truly going on inside me. But the pain to even burden someone else with my problems aren’t something I see as helping me or them.

I’m so mentally exhausted, but I know, from hearing about my mum’s heart breaking past, you have to keep moving forward. I hate to think of the what ifs of when I leave home for uni in a couple of months, but nothing will change with me being inside this “home”. 

I’m not okay. At this moment in time, I need the rest that is available within this Easter Break to get the sleep and mentally prepare for the exams in June. Who knows if I will ever be okay. Both my past and present life have been a never ending rollercoaster ride. A ride that is beyond the reach of halting. 

I can assure you guys, I will never let something or someone stop me from reaching the places I could only dream of, & neither should you.  

Until next time guys, lots of love, M. 

“A light that never goes out” – The Smiths 

Body Confidence.

So quite recently I was having a conversation with my sister. Everything was going great until… out of nowhere she complains she feels fat. My sister is 10 YEARS OLD!

I’m not just saying this because she’s my sister but she is the HEALTHIEST weight she can be for someone her age and height. I was so stunned by this random outburst that I was seriously left speechless for a good couple of minutes. 

I’m not going to sit here and just blame the media and their presentation of women, but I’m gonna blame myself too. I am a factor of my sister even having that thought run through her mind. I’ve never been happy with my body and I’ve never been afraid to say how I feel about it out loud.

However, people throughout my life have complimented me for being “skinny”. To some this may sound like a compliment but to me it doesn’t quite ring a congratulations for being healthy. I have been classed as “underweight” my entire life. Alongside that I’ve been unable to gain weight or maintain a healthy number. I am a food lover and practically eat everything (apart from sea food). 

I can hold my hands up and say I have never stepped foot in a gym. Quite recently however, running has become one of my favourite work outs. Alongside this I have been watching (ish) what I eat. Protein is a MUST. Not only is it pumping blood through my veins but it’s also levelling out my anaemia. 

Being skinny shouldn’t be a goal. Being healthy is key to helping you both  physically and mentally. I wish I could take my own advice at times and look at myself in the mirror and be happy at the reflection that looks back. The changes I’ve made to my health routine should one day alter the way I see my body. But for now it’s the effort I put in, that will make a difference.

“Body Confidence” just like most things in life comes gradually. Don’t long for it to come…

“Work Hard, Play Hard”….. make that a motto to stick to. 

– Love M 

I’ve started vlogging.

Hey guys sorry for the delay in new content, I have been busy working on an exciting project and revising for upcoming exams. 

This is just a brief visit to let you guys know, that I have started a brand new YouTube channel alongside my music channel, in which I will be vlogging everything from now until the near future. I will be covering topics in much more detail, which will allow me to upload frequently and allow you guys to ask questions that may be troubling you! 

The link for my new channel, “Mandy Lee” is down below!

I look forward to hearing from you. 

– Love M 

P.S. I have drafted a few blogs which will be edited and uploaded in a few days time. Make sure to leave a like or a comment on your opinion on these topics x 

New Year, Same Me

Each year we are pressurised with the concept that we should recreate ourselves all because of the start of a new year. But why? Unless you yourself are adamant to reinvent yourself, then why not just stick to the person you had been just before the year came to an end. 

No person is perfect. The mistakes you make, are mistakes you learn from. The word “perfect” is questionable in itself. There is no image of perfection, it’s just what a individual claims something or someone is, due their own personal perception or because of the response from a number of people.Each individual is different. If we follow one another, we become “sheep”, all after one goal. 

The uniqueness of each individual is a beauty one should appreciate. Wanting to change ourselves should be one’s decision not because of the influence and input of others. If you are happy with the person you have been through out that year, then keep being that person. Don’t feel forced to change, be true to yourself. 

If anything, better yourself. By sticking to the person you are, you can grow and learn more about yourself and those around you by embracing the moments’ the new year throws at you.

“New Year, New Me” is a cliche in itself. “New Year, Same Me”… is a cliche that goes against the trend. Keep that in mind. 

– Love M 

Saying Goodbye 

Every story comes to an end. In life, a chapter ending is a milestone one has experienced and overcome. But when it’s a painful experience nothing is more warming then the concept of turning one’s back on the individual they once used to be. 

For instance, losing someone may encourage one to oppose those who offer their support and condolences. They devour the notion, that if they can recreate themselves, then the new person they have become will allow them to forget the person they once were. 

That monumental change, will feel in that moment as the right and exhilarating alteration one can make to their stance on life. I am no expert and having lived it, I do believe each and every individual has a right to react to a situation that has impacted them in their own way.

Saying goodbye or accepting change is a milestone in it self. I am currently in the process of preparing for my A-Level college exams in which I will be sitting next year. Alongside this, I will be preparing to say goodbye to college (quite ironic to be actually writing this out as this time last year I had just begun my first year at college – as well as having been a mention in my first blog ever posted). 

The highs and lows of college life, finding yourself and being able to meet such captivating, life long friends is a experience which I will always be thankful for. 

Even through the negativity and heart break, you are able to shape a understanding of the decisions you make and how you choose to go ahead with them. It’s never easy and never will it be easy, to leave a place which has contributed heavily in the person you are today. 

The next few months of my life are going to be life changing. It will either make or (never break) alter the path my life is set to follow. Saying goodbye, doesn’t have to be a mudane situation. When the day comes you can turn your back, walking out thinking about the achievements and happy memories you made during your time at that place or with that person. 

One day we will all look back at that chapter in our life and it may bring a smile to our faces because of the awareness of how we handled the situation. 

Live for the moment but also take a second to think about your future. The experiences we make now will one day confront us in the future. Staying true to yourself is an accolade. 

Say goodbye with your head held high, remembering that moment in life will one day be a memory to look back on. 

– Love M 

Mental illness should not be talked about…

Mental illness should not be talked about.

This is the statement I said to my 10 year old sister. Her response, “Why?”.

Why is there still a stigma attached to mental health when there are over 450 million people around this world who are suffering with a mental illness. A figure which grows every second I type.

Did you know that Anxiety and Depression are the top forms of mental illness? Every 1 in 4 people will be affected by a mental illness at some stage in their life.

After countless research I was made aware that people do not report their illness to anyone, as they are afraid of being socially isolated or discriminated by the people around them. They are so fearful that if they tell someone, they will either be sent to a hospital to be examined or be locked away in a psychiatric unit.

From my research I discovered that the search I made under, “psychiatric units in the UK” matched the search of “mental health facilities in the UK”. Apart from a few residential care homes and organisations which provide care for those suffering with mental health, there  were hardly any facilities which let the sufferers wishes be heard.

Is being taken away from their homes & given drugs a way of treatment?

How about the concept of creating mental health facilities which offer support and give the user a whole range of natural treatments. One to one sessions with professionals, a chance to speak to other sufferers of mental health and to be given  the opportunity to have their opinions heard.

This “mainstream society” we are said to live in, is a false image if we are unable to help the people we share this world with.

#NationalMentalHealthDay should not be a one day trend. It should be a fixed point in everyday that follows. We should freely be able to talk about mental illness.  People who are suffering silently should be able to open up about their mental illness not hide it away.

*I suffer with anxiety. I’m still the same person before you found out I had a mental disorder. – Keep that in mind.

Sibling Rivalry 

“You can choose your friends but you sho’ can’t choose your family, an’ they’re still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge ’em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don’t.” – Harper Lee To Kill A Mockingbird 
Sibling rivalry has been the core of many family disputes throughout time. It is the base of having a brother or sister, or both in which arguing and fighting can occur on a daily basis.

Getting attention from the parents is a vital attribute where the child is hungry to receive from a early age. When another child is brought into it, the competition begins. 

The new born becomes the centre of attention. “The first born child” lets call them in this case, is finally given a bit of freedom where they are able to observe from a distance. The new given space is a unusual time for the child as they are now given an area to explore on their own.

However, the freedom of space is not what the child desires they want to be seen as the main child in their parents eyes. 

The child will now do anything to get the attention, even if this means getting in the bad books of their parents. Being loud and obnoxious is their main agenda. 

However, when the child grows up they will finally realise the importance of looking over their sibling(s). 

The rivalry will always be there, in whatever way, shape or form. This will maintain the base of their sibling rivalry. You can only learn from your mistakes, try and resolve them and then finally move on. 

Personal Struggles

The pain is back again, and this time I cannot seem to switch it off.  My heart is beating like it’s getting ready to burst out of my chest. My throat is tightening. I cannot breath. My eyes are filling with water,which only causes them to sting. I need food but not enough for me to crave an appetite. My joints ache from exhaustion. My muscles tighten as the pressure builds up. I can feel my blood rushing through my veins. My skin is cold to the touch, but not cold enough for me to shiver. I do not feel anything but my body and mind are directing me to thoughts. The imaginary audience are back, and they are talking about me. They are looking at me with smirks and swallowing eyes. The people who I thought were friends are pushing me away. But I’m doing the same. The people that do care, I’m beginning to shut myself away from. The question of why? Is unanswerable. Waking up in the mornings is draining. Falling asleep at night seems impossible. Controlling the mind is a constant struggle. I want to be like that person who doesn’t seem to fight everyday. The one who can be loud and confident without caring what people around them think. The individual who can accept their personal struggles and make that change. 

* These are the comments I have heard from people around me  aswell as being that person who has felt and been through these experiences. You cannot just change a person’s perspective of their life. They need time and comfort from those around them, and with time they will heal. 

~ M

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